Your Step Becomes His Leap :)

So i feel like i am getting ready to embark on a journey and i have no idea what to expect. All i know is that i have not stepped out and done anything in the past couple years and its about time to walk out on a limb! Don't get me wrong, these past few years i have grown and learned so much but ive just barely started climbing the tree of my destiny. And in all actuality i think i stepped out on a limb and fell and i have been just hanging on for dear life. In my own strength i have fought to pull myself up with weak moments of just a whispering plea for God to lift me up, only to again in my own strength try to do it my way. I have finally come to an understanding of dependence on God that has allowed Him to lift me from where i had fallen. He pulled me up and wiped away my tears and the sweaty dirt built up by my own lacking effort and is still healing the wounds. Never have i known, nor will i ever find so great a love. Unfailing love. I have now placed my feeble yet determined hands into His hands and there is a giant branch that awaits me and i feel like i am getting closer to stepping out onto it. Sometimes thats what you gotta do you know, just take a step. :) And God will take your step and turn it into one giant leap! And you will find yourself radically changed as you move into more of what God has planned for you. That's what im expecting. And my hope is in Christ- no longer in myself or mere man. I won't be failed. No, not by Christ. :)

Slow Down!

I found myself caught up in thought as I was driving home one night from the gym a few weeks ago. The sun was already set and i was on what i call the "country road" nearing my house, where trees bow over the twisting street. At the darkest hours it can be rather eerie. It is not a very busy road and i have a bad habit of speeding. I had my brights on and was speeding along and i realized i was going pretty fast and something inside of me silently yet strongly nugged me to "Slow Down!". I thought to myself, "Ok, Holy Spirit....is there a cop around and are you warning me so as to avoid getting a ticket? Do you do that, do you warn us so we avoid the consequences of our actions?" That phrase "Slow Down" persisted and i slowed down and drove the speed the limit the rest of the way home. The few minutes left of the drive home, Holy Spirit began to speak to me. It's amazing the answers we get when we take time to ask the questions.
My question was to Holy Spirit and it was simply this, "What are you trying to say? What does 'Slow down' mean?"
He began to reveal to me that I had gotten so busy in my life. My schedule of work, gym, church, friends had consumed my life. Not that any of those things are bad and all are necessary but i was failing to take time to slow down and allow Holy Spirit to direct me. I think was a fear in me of slowing down. I know how to "do" but i am still being taught how to "be". I saw my drive that night as an image of my life going by quickly and Holy Spirit calling me to slow down. Going as fast as i was, i was missing the view around me and could easily have missed my turn. In my life, as fast as i had been going, i was missing out on the view of the journey around me which God uses to romance us. And not only that, but if i was choosing to not slow down, i would easily miss my turn. There are seasons of life where we remain on the same path for a while but God places turns that we must be aware of when they come.
My response to this is to slow down. And in slowing down i choose to engage Holy Spirit to guide me and direct my way. There is a peace that comes and an enjoyment to embrace the journey. I encourage you reader, to ponder this: Are you too busy with life that you are missing the romance of the journey or that you are missing the turns that could lead you to your destination? It is something i have answered for myself. And with that, i am excited to slow down and see where i end up!

Song of Songs

Woman:
Express your love to me.
It's better than wine.
Just the mention of your name,
Causes my heart to stir.


Take me away with you,
To a secret place.
There's reason to celebrate.
You have become mine, sir!


I have my weaknesses.
Yet I am content.
I know fully who I am,
To now be known by you.


Man:
If I'm not quite ready,
Continue on love.
Lead your life passionately.
And trust that I am too.


Memories flood my mind.
My thoughts are of you.
I'm aware of your beauty,
It is time to prepare.

Woman:
Lie your head on my chest.
Draw ever so close;
Hear the beating of my heart,
The time is near.


This is why it is said,
Patiently wait dears.
Don't excite nor stir up love,
Until you are ready.


Take time to pursue life,
And know who you are.
It will attract the right man,
Love that remains steady.

The Process of the Journey

It’s in the vastness

That I feel Your closeness

It’s in the Silence

That I hear Your whisper

I’m not alone

I may be left undone

But You are near, making me whole

It’s in the chaos

That Your peace prevails

It’s in the journey

That Your lamp lights my way

I’m not alone

I may be left undone

But You are near, making me whole

It’s in the moment- big and small

That if I allow, You draw near

You are near, making me whole

It’s the process of the journey

And I’m learning to embrace it.

Are You in Good Hands?

If you were to ask my brother if i am a good driver, i am almost positive that he would hurriedly say no. After surviving a wreck with me as the driver and causing total damage to my dads car, i cant really say that i would blame his negative response. But in my defense, i was a senior in high school and it taught me a valuable lesson and i have to say that i am a pretty good driver now. I know to inch forward when unsure of whether or not a car is coming. Looking both ways is a natural habit of mine, even as a passenger. Yet, to be honest i still find myself replying to a text and veering off the right or left at times. Thankfully, nothing has ever happened but i know that i don't pay as much attention as i could and that other people probably pay less attention than i do.

I work in downtown Dallas, and live about 20 minutes south and so i encounter traffic daily- two times a day to be more accurate. There and back. I see my fill of ridiculous drivers and have learned to cope. Yet there is one thing i can not stand and that is when cars are going a good speed without much traffic and all of sudden you have to come to an abrupt stop. Just last week, that is exactly what happened. So i started to slow down and glanced in my review mirror to make sure the person behind me was slowing down too. He was not. So i took my attention off of the car in front of me as i freaked out wondering if the car behind me was going to stop. I was looking behind me, as if i could control what was behind me. The only thing i could control lied ahead of me and my attention was elsewhere.

It would make a more interesting story, yet more costly one on my part had i not in time looked ahead to come to a complete stop before hitting the car in front of me. My heart that had been racing finally came to a steady rate and this thought hit me, "Don't be so concerned with what's behind you that you miss what's right in front of you!" And i realized that what i have been doing driving, worrying about what is going on behind me,  is a pretty legit reflection of my life. It is so easy to get caught up in our past (past hurts, past failures, past disappointments) that we miss an amazing present and future. I can not control what is behind me. But i do have the amazing opportunity to look life head on and pay attention to where i am going. And not to make it more spiritual, but to do so at the same time- when God stops in front of me (because that is who should be leading the way), i stop. And when He takes a right, that is exactly the direction i take. He is in control. And i can trust His judgment more than my own. There is peace in that.

Now when driving, i try to remain focused on not hitting the car in front of me since i realize there is nothing i can do when in traffic to avoid someone from behind me hitting me. I still have the tendency to look back just to make sure though, just as i have a tendency to glance back at what lies behind me in my life. But i now readily accept that God is in control and as i follow His lead, i am in good hands. Are you in good hands?

Allstate - Are You in Good Hands Commercial

Unsatisfied- You Satisfy

I get so frustrated with myself. I know the truth. But it is as if i don't truly believe the truth that i know so well.
My heart has felt discontent and unsatisfied this week. And i did nothing to allow God to meet the need.
So the emptiness continued and then the need for the desire to be quenched overwhelmed me. My thoughts entertained the idea that i should give up this "my life is not my own" and live my life as my own...because i could do a much better job of meeting my needs. Deep down i knew this to be very untrue. But yet that part of my heart that has yet to be tilled and sown with truth, grasped for more. I found myself unhappy with my physical, spiritual and emotional condition. Yet it took a week of being weak to do something powerful. And i realized i had a choice. I could continue on the path of the idea of doing what i pleased, which would be totally unsatisfying in the end...or i could quit my stinkin' thinkin' as some folks say and surrender again to the One who meets every need that we allow Him to meet.
Just by that internal choice, i sensed the satisfaction of transparency with God and allowing Him to meet me where i was. I took note, that i didn't have to have a crazy encounter with Him like we often think it takes, but i changed my thoughts...which in essence is repentance. And He embraced me. As i was. Whoa.
I am still in the process of knowing who i am. Some days i walk with a better understanding than other days. In an effort to feel wanted i entertained the idea of just letting my guard down and doing what most girls my age do. But when i know that i am wanted and longed for by God and that is enough, i have no need of any others attention and acceptance. Am i being too real? I surely have some people out there that can relate in some capacity. We don't feel like we are enough- and we are tempted to step out to be what we think it will take to feel enough. I compare myself. I have found myself critical of others and even more critical of myself. All of this stemming from the underlying lie, that i am not enough. If i were, i would have not gotten my heart broken. If i were, my real mom would have stayed. If i were, my dad would have paid more attention to me. If i were, people would see the gifting in me and recognize me. If i were....of course on the surface none of these seemingly affect me anymore. But deep down, God is still in the process of uprooting these lies that i secretly believe. And He is planting the truth that i am His and enough.
With my life, I want to be found transparent and real. I want to speak and reveal what others are afraid to show, to offer freedom. It would be nice if i could say to people that i know exactly who i am and that i don't struggle with trying to be found satisfied in anything but God. But i instead am the first one to say that its a battle. When people see me, i want them to see me as a young woman who knows her strengths and weaknesses and offers hope through both of them. I want to be seen for who i am- not together but in total pursuit to be found whole through Christ.
This past week was a rough one. I was enticed to enter a season of complacency. In doing so i would have remained stagnant and left unsatisfied. But I'm finally believing the truth that i have known so well. And i made the decision to continue in my pursuit of wholeness. In doing so, i am satisfied. I am enough. And i can sense the embrace of a Father that longs for me. Thank You Jesus.

We sometimes feel unsatisfied in our walk with God. But it has nothing to do with Him and His inability to meet our need but everything to do with our lack of vulnerability to allow Him to reach past the surface and tenderly fill the longing of our hearts.