Brrr....
I am sitting outside my house on the balcony enjoying the crisp night air in a rocking chair. I have my comfy sweats on and a t-shirt and jacket. After a two mile run i showered and watched a movie with my adoptive family. (I will have to write a blog soon about the family i am living with.) So with no make up on and my hair soft without any product in it, i am sitting thinking of who i am and who i am becoming and wondering what the next milestone is going to be in my life.
I actually went to church this morning at the church where i grew up at with my parents so i had an hour drive home earlier where i had time to think and really just voice my heart to God. This past month has been a difficult one for me. But i think the biggest thing im learning from it is that i must make a daily surrender to God and daily choose to trust Him. In my mind, i try to figure everything out and i feel like i doubt the good things that God has in store for me. I must pause to dance to Taylor Swift with my adopted sister Allison.


Haha. That was fun dancing but she had to go to bed. So i get to go back to writing.  The dancing definitely warmed me up! Id love to have a pumpkin spice latte in hand, but i suppose i will plan that for another night. Sitting out here is a good spot to write and think.


But back to what i was saying about learning to trust that God has good intentions for me and choosing to daily surrender myself to Him...
I think its really something that we all struggle with. It is so easy to get caught up in different things in life, whether its success or lack of success with  jobs,  relationships, or whatever we may identify with. But God has called us to identify ourselves with His Son. Not with position, or relationships or any other false identity. I have come to realize that the gospel is not just about us receiving freedom from Hell but freedom from false identities. He came so that we would no longer live for ourselves. To us that may not seem like freedom, and so we live our lives for ourselves with God's blessing. But i coming to an understanding that He came to free us from sin and from ourselves, the way we view ourselves; false identity. We must lose ourselves and no longer live for ourselves as Christians.


This is just something i am trying to study and grasp. I dont fully understand it all. But i know that when we identify ourselves with Christ we find fulfillment and satisfaction. I know that i will never fully know who i was created and destined to be without knowing who i am in Christ. Without Him i am nothing and i have nothing but empty words to offer. But with Him, i am able to love Him and love His people well. And that is what we are ultimately called to right? So my hearts desire through losing my identity is to find it again in Him. Just another game of losing and finding.